Walking by Faith--an Update

Will I believe You when You say
Your hand will guide my every way?
"I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye. ..." (Psalm 32:8)
Will I receive the words You say
"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." (Deut. 31:6)
Every moment of every day?
...when those days are overwhelming and I cannot make it another moment without You.


I will walk by faith
...when my mom was in the hospital for unknown chest pain, abdominal pain, and heavy bleeding.
Even when I cannot see
...which step to take next--where to go next--which family members needed us most.
Because this broken road
...when both of my living grandparents were very, very ill the same week that my mother is hospitalized.
Prepares Your will for me
...to take a deep breath and fly to Alabama with Mom (two days out of the hospital, still very sick and incredibly, terribly weak) to be with my Gram.


Help me to rid my endless fears
...how on earth are we going to do this? What about my dad, who flew up to my grandpa when we went to Alabama? Why has my mom been so sick herself?
You've been so faithful for all my years
...through oh, so much. Times like these are certainly nothing new...
With one breath You make me new
...Your grace is sufficient for the moment I'm in. Your mercies new every morning.
Your grace covers all I do
...helping my mom care for my Grammie, who came home, but is slowly regaining strength, then trying to help Mom--when she allowed it--because she herself was so weak it sometimes took all her effort just to walk across the house, and caring for my little boy, who is cutting three teeth, was running a fever, suffered from a very strange rash off and on during the whole trip and was also quickly learning to take advantage of his mama's harried mind.


I will walk by faith
...when I took my mom back to the hospital (in Alabama) the day after my Gram came home.
Even when I cannot see
...when we went to a doctor she doesn't know, in a town and state she doesn't live in, to try to get some help.
Because this broken road
...waiting in an unfamiliar waiting room while my mom is in surgery.
Prepares Your will for me
...to finally end up back at home after a canceled flight, a night spent unexpectedly in an airport hotel room, an hour spent on the tarmac due to weather and rumors of more canceled flights, and dealing with a wild one year old.


Well I'm broken,
...when, the day after we arrive home (Thursday, April 26), my grandpa leaves this earth and his pain-filled body behind.
But I still see Your face
...and as I think of my dear grandpa standing in awe of the visual reality of that precious Face at this very moment.
Well You've spoken
"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth." (Ps. 121:1-2)
Pouring Your words of grace
...through precious and dear friends and family. Their prayers, love and help have shown us, truly, what the love of Jesus is. From providing meals, kind notes, watching Troy three days in a row in Alabama, lending us baby things, flying out to California to help, dropping off and picking us up from airports, and numerous encouraging phone calls and emails... God has shown us Himself through you. We love you all.


I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Hallejuah...

Words in bold: lyrics from "Walk by Faith", by Jeremy Camp

When the rain comes...

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

II Corinthians 12:9

There are some seasons in this life when it feels like the rain just won't stop, the dark clouds are rolling in one after the other, the ground is getting more and more muddy. You can begin to wonder if the soggy ground will swallow you up completely.

This week has been one of those seasons.

Some of you may have read my mom's post from last night regarding my Grammie. This morning, we learned that she ended up being taken to the hospital via ambulance and is now there... with pneumonia. Things are not looking good. She is so tiny (just over five feet tall, and maybe 90 pounds dripping wet), so sick, and so weak.

Shortly after finding this out, my aunt from Northern California called and said that my grandpa is doing worse. His kidneys are shutting down, and he's not getting the nutrients he needs due to watering down his "food" so the feeding tube doesn't stop working. Things are looking much worse there also.

My mom went to see her gynecologist yesterday, and found out that she needs surgery. He wanted her to do it right away. But due to everything else that's going on, she knew she couldn't just have surgery right then, and was thinking possibly on Monday. He gave her some medication to try to stop the bleeding, but it actually made it worse. She's weak, and she's tired. And I'm worried about her.

When the first phone call came today, I was talking to my mom about my cousin's baby shower we were planning to attend this afternoon. We were determining what time to leave (and whether or not Mom was strong enough to go... the rest of us really didn't think she should be traveling two hours each way, but she wanted to try...). Now, a few hours later, we are looking at plane tickets to leave right away for Alabama. My mom, Troy and I will be heading out there for my Grammie early, early tomorrow morning, while my Dad, Zach, and John are here, ready to head up to my grandpa's. My aunt (or, mom's best friend, if you want to be technical) isn't supposed to leave until Wednesday, so she might take a side trip to visit family in Arizona before she leaves. Things are a bit crazy.

A few months ago, Sarah from In the Midst of It, did an interview at Faith Lifts. She said something that has stuck with me.

Don’t let anybody make you feel guilty for what you’re feeling. And don’t let anybody tell you that God will never give you more than you can bear, or that you’re strong and can handle it, because neither of those are Scriptural or true. God will sometimes allow us more than we, on our own, can bear. (That verse is referring to temptation, not to burdens.) We are not always strong enough to handle bitter disappointment—I wanted to die after [my daughter's] diagnosis, when I had to lay down my dreams for my daughter and the disappointment was absolutely crushing—but He is bigger than the worst thing that can happen to us. I still can’t explain the theology of suffering or tests or the like, but I do know that my loneliness when I pulled away from Him was worse than the grief I felt after Addie’s diagnosis. So hang on, and don’t give up.

There are so many people hurting right now... dear, precious Heather, and sweet Kelli are both going through more than I can even imagine. I'm seeing more and more each day that sometimes the Lord does give us more than we can handle... because it causes us to depend completely on Him. I don't have anything super-spiritual to say in response to any of what is going on right now. It's a bit overwhelming. But I do know, in the little part of my mind that can think at the moment (between laundry, packing, figuring details, a clingy little man, and feeling quite, quite sick today), that God always, always shows Himself faithful in these moments when the rain is pouring down. I know that He is and will be holding us up. We do covet your prayers (especially for my mama... I'm really worried about her in all of this. She is not well herself.) and yet, it is so very, very humbling to know that you dear ones are taking time from your own lives, your own hardships and struggles to lift us up to the throne of Grace. It has brought tears to my eyes numerous times this week, knowing that there are people we may never even meet this side of heaven who are praying for us at that very moment. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Update on my Mom...

Thank you all so much for your prayers over the past few days. My mom was just discharged from the hospital, after three nights. The doctors discovered that she is experiencing Premature Ventricular Contractions, which, in most people, won't cause problems (and aren't even usually felt), but in some, like Mom, they can. Since the tests they did at the hospital were too inconclusive, the doctors sent her home after careful monitoring, telling her to see a cardiologist to further investigate her chest pain and possible heart issues. She's also supposed to see a gastroenterologist to determine the cause of the abdominal pain, which they weren't able to figure out, either.

I didn't mention it in my first post, but one of the more serious issues here is that Mom has been having some "female problems" (she requested I say it "nicely" :smile: ), with heavy bleeding for over three weeks. This isn't the first time she's dealt with this issue, and the doctors aren't sure if all of it is related or not. She has an appointment tomorrow morning with her gynecologist to try to take care of this, because it is definitely one of the most concerning, pressing issues at the moment. This loss of blood is taking it's toll on her... she's very weak.

And on a good note, my mom's very best and dearest friend is on her way out from Virginia this morning, which will be absolutely wonderful. Mom will be taking a little bit of a bloggie break while we sort through all of this, but she said to tell everyone thank you for your prayers... you've all been such a blessing to her.

Prayer for my Mama...

Real quick... just asking you to please pray for my Mama tonight, as she's been admitted to the hospital. She was taken to the emergency room this afternoon with unexplained severe pain, and has been undergoing various tests since then to determine the cause of it, as well as some other troubling issues that may or may not be related. When I left the hospital room she's been admitted to, just a little bit ago, she had a terrible headache and seemed rather weak, but was still smiling her pretty smile. Please pray that the doctors will be thorough this time, and that the Lord will give them wisdom to determine what is really going on here. When I asked her if I could ask for prayer on her blog (because I know she greatly values the friendship of her bloggie girlfriends!), she told me, in her usual style, that if I did, not to make too big a deal out of it, because, you know, she's just fine. :ahem: I don't agree. :little smile: We'd appreciate your prayers, for both her and my Daddy, who is going to attempt sleep in an upright chair beside her bed tonight. Thanks a bunch...

Hallelujah, Christ Arose!

And then, at dawn on Resurrection Morning, we would trimphantly sing together:

Death cannot keep its Prey,
Jesus my Savior;
He tore the bars away,
Jesus my Lord!

Up from the grave He arose,

With a mighty triumph o’er His foes,

He arose a Victor from the dark domain,
And He lives forever, with His saints to reign.

He arose! He arose!

Hallelujah! Christ arose!

May you have a blessed Easter Sunday!

Jesus, my Savior...

When our Pastor's father-in-law--a dear adopted grandfather to me--lived here in the desert, he usually preached on the Wednesday night before the Ressurection Sunday. He would always teach us once again, through genuine tears, of the cross. He reminded us again of what our Savior endured for us--bearing our sin to give us salvation--and then led us in the first two verses, sans the refrain, of an old familiar hymn. We would sing it slowly, reflecting on our Lord, and His love for us through His willing agony...

Low in the grave He lay,
Jesus my Savior,
Waiting the coming day,
Jesus my Lord...

Vainly they watch His bed,
Jesus my Savior;
Vainly they seal the dead,
Jesus my Lord....

And then, on that expectant note of music sang in the same expectant tone, we would stop singing... waiting for dawn on Sunday morning...

I think we're making progress

I'm making a list, and checkin it twice...

Okay, maybe a few more times than twice.

Would it suffice to say that I've been poring over this list?? Because that's the truth of the matter. My mom told me, when I had brought the list to church with me Wednesday night, that she felt like I was thirteen. Because that's about how long it's been since I've talked so much about names.

Between the comments here, and the twenty-something comments from my friends on LiveJournal, and another long list a friend out here gave me, I think I'm on my way to over 200 name suggestions. Thanks, peoples. It's good to know you're there when I need a hand. If you ever need anything, I'll be here for ya. Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you caaaarry on...

Ahem.

So I think we're getting enough ideas to get through any and every future child we ever have. And yet I ask, to those of you with more than, say, one child... is it like this every single time? I don't know if I can handle such mind labor.

Really, it's John. He's the picky one around here. Honestly. I say, "How do you like Such and Such a Name?" And more often than not, he wrinkles his nose and gives some reason he couldn't imagine naming a child Such and Such a Name. When I had him go through my original list, which only had about twenty names on it, and asked him to cross off the ones that were out of the question... he left three names uncrossed. This is bad, you say? You should have been around when we were planning our wedding! And he readily admits it too. (Which is why I can laugh about him on here, of course. :wink:) I wuvs my particular guy... even when I wish he'd just be okay with a name, already! :grin:

We are making progress, though, I am happy to report. We have a few good names that we're mulling over... but I'm not telling just what they are yet. We'll let you in on the secret (or the not-a-secret) once we've decided a little more.

And, just fyi, I'm also mulling over a post that has been on my heart for quite some time, but I just seem to have a hard time finding the words to say it correctly. The Lord has made it clear to me that I just need to get it written, finally, so if I'm scarce, it may be because I'm staring at a blank screen, with thoughts running madly through my head, which I'm unable to make my fingers type. Just so ya know.

Thanks so much for the names, y'all. They've helped, really they have.

Name that baby!

I'm a major planner. If you know me in person or have been reading this blog for any length of time, that should be more than evident. I like to know what is going to happen, when it's going to happen, and how it's going to happen. Notice that I've already listed, about half a million times, the projected events of the next year or so? That's so I don't forget the plan. :grin:(Okay, well, at least when it comes to the big stuff. Little things... that's when I become a procrastinator with a capital P.)

John and I had our first boy/girl names chosen before we were engaged. I wasn't too sure about the name Troy, but it grew on me, and by the time we found out he was on his way, it was a no-brainer. We've since changed our mind on the original girl's name (not because we don't like it, but because it's been taken by someone else :smile:) and now John's not sure if he likes the girl name that had caught my fancy to replace it. And as for boy names... we have absolutely no clue. I liked one, but every guy I've mentioned it to in the past couple weeks says they don't like it, so that's a no-go.

So I'm opening the floor for suggestions. :grin:

And to help narrow it down, here's a bit of our "criteria":

• We like names that are unique (but not outrageously unique, like some of the crazy names I found on a name website yesterday. Scary sounds, there!) Just not names you hear ten times every day, like, you know... John... and.... Ashleigh. :wink:
• We're not too terribly into common Bible names or anything too trendy or super-popular. Not, by any means, because we don't like them, but because they're seeming to become to our decade what "Ashley" and "Jessica" were in the 80's, hehe. (And don't get me wrong--I really do like my name--and the name Jessica, too-- it's just fun to pick on my name because I can. :grin: I can't actually mention any names I don't like, because what if, you know, it was your favorite name and you had named your child that? Then I'd be in dire straits!)
• We like boy's names that sound strong and masculine, and girl's names that sound pretty and feminine. I know this seems like stating the obvious, but if you had spent an hour looking through baby name sites, you would know what I'm talking about.

So... fire away, anybody and everybody!

Give Me Jesus

You can have all this world, but give me Jesus...

I feel so wuvved!

Just a quick note here today, but I'm popping in (actually, I've been on the computer a TON today, but not for bloggie-ness... more like, doing virtual footwork in preparation for our move. Yeah, the next one, in three-ish months. :smile:) to tell you all Thank You for all your sweet birthday wishes. cards, notes, and even phone calls! I feel very wuvved. :)

We had a wonderful day yesterday, from a great morning at church (to which my Daddy brought me flowers, and I felt very special), lunch afterward with my family and some friends, gifts galore later back at my parents' house, after which my Dad watched Troy so mom and I could take a nap while the guys went to choir (can anyone say spoiled girl??!), then back to church for the evening service. Sundays are always busy, but yesterday was just plain fun, and it was sweet to spend the day with my church family.

Today I realized that we only have all of April, May and June before we're supposed to move in July. Yikes. I feel like we're barely settled in to this house (maybe because, we that's true?!) and the thought of the next move and all it means is just... yeah. Fun. :smile: So I made a few phone calls ("The wait list for the nice housing on your new base is 6-8 months. If you'd like the other, old dilapidated housing, it's only 3-6 months."), and was able to gain a great contact (one of the assistant pastors at the church we're looking at attending--"Just email me any addresses you're looking at and I'll let you know if it's a good area. We might even have a few families in our church who have a house to rent. I'll see about finding another young Marine wife to give your number to so you can get some contacts before you get here. Anything else we can do? Just let us know!"), and after a few rather emotional hours of looking at the reality of it all (which is too much reality for me to even get into right now :smile:), a sweet message from my mom ("Baby girl, I just wanted to let you know I'm praying for you right now. I know you have a lot on your plate and it's hard right now, so just know I'm praying. Love you!") and an hour long conversation with my aunt-by-choice ("You just do it. You think about it later. The Lord gives you strength for that moment, and you just get through today. Sometimes there's just no time to think, and that's okay. You can cry later."--from the mother of six children, who, when son #1 was a toddler, she was 9 mo. pregnant with daughter #1, and she had just moved into a rental while waiting for base housing... heard that Saddam had invaded Kuwait, said goodbye to her Marine eight days later, had her baby the next month, and moved onto base without her husband two weeks after that).... I'm doing a bit better. :smile:

Okay, maybe this wasn't just a quick note, but... oh well. :grin: Thanks for being there, friends. :)