Little eyes, Little ears

I stop in my tracks as I hear it. Turning, I see the scene unfold.

"Bubbie! No, NO! You don't TOUCH that, MerMer!"

Cringing, I wonder for an instant where on earth my two-year-old caught that. That little brow furrowed in frustration, the pursed lips. This wasn't just a normal little brotherly disagreement.

I sigh. I know exactly where he learned it. He's seen a similar expression, heard a similar tone used in reference to himself. Just this morning.

My heart is heavy as I address this incident with Troy. I'd been told before I had children that one of the hardest moments as a parent was when you realize that your own sinful actions are manifesting themselves in your children. Those people were right.

I'm not typically "a yeller" with my children. I get frustrated often enough, and have, during a few at-my-wit's-end moments, shut myself in my room and let out some sort of cross between a "grr" and a mama lion's roar. This morning, though, I was overwhelmed by all the whining, crying, fussing, hitting, clinging, disobeying, wanting, climbing, pulling and needing. I gritted my teeth and spoke sharply, harshly. I was a monster-mommy for a little while.

And now here my son was yelling at his brother.

A reminder. A sobering reminder to me.

I've heard it said that what you allow in moderation, your children will allow in excess.

What they see me doing, they'll examine, contemplate, and then do, often in ways we didn't foresee.

Merritt watched me run my fingers through the grass during a recent afternoon picnic. I wasn't pulling it from the ground. I certainly wasn't eating it.

But soon he was doing both. He didn't know, as I did, how awful the grass would taste once it was in his mouth.

Neither does Troy understand the sting of his harsh words. What they can become.

But I do.

Lord, You've given these little men eyes to watch me live out "You" before them. You promise to give grace. Let my speech... my actions... the expression on my face... the way I care for them... let it be seasoned with grace. Let it speak of You.

They are watching more than we even realize...