All I wanted was a good picture.
Tonight, after the kiddos went to bed, we were going to make popcorn. We bought an air popper this week in preparation for a church event I was helping to plan at which we needed a WHOLE lotta popcorn made in a short amount of time. A fact that basically thrilled me to my tiny toe because I just happen to think regular microwave popcorn is, eh, kinda blah.
I mean, no offense to Orville Reddenbacher and his fancy microwave bags, but you combine those bags with a zillion different microwaves and a zillion different wattages (okay, that’s probably an exaggeration, but it sounds good) and you have a recipe for popcorn disaster. I’m just not really a fan of uber-greasy scorched black puffy corn.
That, AND the fact that with an air popper, you get to put your own butter and salt on the stuff. (Or leave it off, if you’re so inclined. The healthy route and all…) But if I’m going to sit on the couch and have fingers so greasy that they’re incapable of doing a single thing other than shoveling handfuls of popped corn kernels–kernels that will subsequently get stuck between my gums and my teeth and haunt me till bedtime–into my crunching mouth, you’d better believe I want to know what exactly it is making my fingertips so greasy.
The point (what? did someone say this is supposed to have a POINT?) is that both John and I were all excited for our little popcorn extravaganza tonight because we both love and adore fresh, hot, buttery air-popped popcorn.
Okay. So.
Because I, you know, BLOG and all, I thought I’d pull out my handy dandy little picture taker and snap a shot of the whole ordeal. I had a candle on the kitchen island where I was plugging in the popper, the house was so cozy… it would be so… nice. Homey. Bloggerish.
(Insert slighty sarcastic and irony-laced tidbit here about picture-perfection, blogs, false realities and such. I wrote it and the hit the delete button because, well, I want to create my own false reality that perhaps I’m not really as sarcastic as the original tidbit sounded.)
(Ahem. Moving along now.)
Enter Problem #1–the candle on the island had obviously burned out some time earlier in the evening and the wax was now hardened in the candle holder. A new votive was needed.
Problem #2 reared its head when I realized that since I’d already started the popper, I had approximately 2.75 minutes to snap this picture. To capture the mood–candle, popcorn popping away, glowy yellow light of late evening.
So I grabbed a butter knife quickly from the drawer, attempting to pry the hardened wax out of the glass holder before tossing a new votive in there, lighting it, and setting it exactly where it needed to be. Just so.
I pushed the tip of the knife into the side of the peach colored wax and felt it start to give way–good, this will be quick.
Um, apparently the wax was softer than I anticipated because the knife slipped right down the side of the candle holder and…
…glass shattered.
Oops.
There was a HOLE in the bottom of the candle holder. A hole.
But, but, but… my PICTURE. What about my picture?
The popcorn was actually popping by now and flying into the hand-painted, wedding gift popcorn bowl. I had approximately 40 seconds left.
Into the trashcan flew the candle holder, I raced across the living room, grabbed another candle holder (still without any usable wax or wick–I burn a lotta candles around here), wiped up the shards of glass on the kitchen island and looked over to see that it’d be pushing it to even get twenty seconds more of this popping action.
Forget the candle.
Take the crazy picture.
Look at the mess I’ve now created.
And do a self-directed eye roll at the phenomenon of blog pictures.
A crooked camera, overflowing popcorn bowl, and the glimmer of broken glass on the counter. I got my picture.
This is real life… whatcha see is whatcha get. And I think I like it better that way.
bridget says:
I’ve been reading your blog for a little while now and thought I’d say hi! I love reading your posts about family life and your relationship with God. You seem so content! looking forward to reading more:)
[Reply]
March 9th, 2009 at 5:28 am
Katie says:
Love it. And I'm totally with you on the regular air-popped popcorn thing – nothing like adding your own butter & salt and getting those kernels that are absolutely drenched. Yum.
I like it better this way too – I get intimidated by all those picture-perfect mama-blogs. Makes me feel like a chump. And since it already seems like you kinda do it all – I like that you have a messy popcorn bowl and whatnot.
Hugs.
[Reply]
March 9th, 2009 at 6:51 am
LeAnna says:
Keeping it real, that’s the way to do it! Sounds like something I would do, shattering the candle holder and all. Seems like every time I open a bottom kitchen cabinet there’s a strategically placed canning jar that insists on flying out across my kitchen floor. One of these days I’ll learn to quit putting them down there. Maybe.
Growing up, my Dad would make the best popcorn in a big pot on the stove, but unfortunately that takes more talent than I have, and so I’m an air popper/microwave popcorn gal. Yum.
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March 9th, 2009 at 8:46 am
Ginger says:
LOL! Thats great! The exact thing probably would have happened to me as well. I am just about sure of it! However I think your picture turned out great and I too like having pooped popcorn from a popcorn poopper machine thing…lol however I haven’t had it like that since I was a wee little child.:)
Ginger~
[Reply]
March 9th, 2009 at 9:20 am
Jane says:
Ash, where did you get the air popper? I also need one for a church deal.
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March 9th, 2009 at 10:09 am
JennyD says:
LOL! You crack me up, Ashleigh. Hehe!!
Real butter on freshly popped popcorn is the best! I also like mixing some brown sugar with the melted butter and then pouring that on the popcorn. So yummy (and fattening ;-))!
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March 9th, 2009 at 10:22 am
nicole viola says:
you’re too funny. I like your “real” photo. looks tasty. :)
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March 9th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Melissa Searle says:
All i can say is you crack me up. :) thanks for the laugh. lol
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March 9th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
jAne says:
You should do stand-up. Seriously. You’re just plain funny. :o)
I began a new blog – this one’s public. Come visit, if you have the time and inclination. :o)
http://tickleberryfarm.blogspot.com
[Reply]
March 10th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Heather says:
*GRINNING* love it
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March 10th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Amber says:
This post made me laugh. Just tonight I was taking some pics of a new dinner recipe for my blog. But then I noticed that the stove looked grease-splattered… and that the expiration date on the milk carton was yesterday… and what would people think of me using real butter!? So I decided that real life IS those pictures… so I am making them small so that no one can click on them and look at all the horrid details. :)
[Reply]
March 10th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Steve n Vickie says:
My grandma’s Sunday evening tradition was popcorn, milk, and sandwiches for supper. It was delish.
Great story.
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March 11th, 2009 at 10:46 am
the Mrs. says:
While your picture is not perfect (to you) I think it is perfectly lovely! If we want perfection we can look in a magazine…I would much rather see real life in all its messiness. My husbands big Christmas present last year was one of those popcorn poppers like they have at the movies….not airpopped, but I control what kind of oil and only real butter. He may love it more than me lol
[Reply]
March 12th, 2009 at 8:46 am