Y’all are FUNNY. Hilarious, in fact. I loved, loved, loved and adored reading your answers to the lovey dovey quiz and am quite relieved to find out that I’m not the only one on this green earth who can’t resist answering a question relating to love and such. Or any question, for that matter.
(By the way, have you ever heard me ramble? Oh, no, you haven’t? Word to the wise: never ask me a question. Unless, of course, you have three years to sit and listen to the answer. And never ask me to tell a story. That would increase the time to about ten years. But I AM trying to practice restraint, even if you can’t tell. You know, this one time I was talking to my mom and she asked about something and I started to tell it and about four hours later… oh, wait, restraint. That’s right.)
But all that to say this: tonight my knees are red and rather sore.
But not because of my carpet or because I spent so many hours telling God the story about my need for restraint. It’s all the fault of that ridiculously stupid stuff called GROUT. Why people lay tile–which always involves this thing called grout–on floors is beyond me. Especially floors of houses wherein live small children.
See, here’s the deal. Every other month some of the ladies in our church have a little get-together. We hop around from house to house and the whole deal always involves a few small morsels (which we all tell each other we shouldn’t be eating because, oh, the hips! the thighs! the waistline!), some sort of fun activity and, of course, just a whole lotta talking and laughing and such, which is all ladies’ activities usually are anyway.
I’ve been saying for two years that I wanted to have one of these at my house, and was, in fact, supposed to host the January get-together until unforeseen circumstances (ahem) got in the way. But now the time has come, and if you’re a keeper of any home, you know that sometimes having a special activity is just the kick you need to finally tackle that mental to-do list which grows faster than even our children.
Wipe handprints off the walls.
Take a magic eraser to the scuff marks on the doors.
Wipe the walls of the stairway from the floor to about two feet high. (Certain tiny people can’t reach the railing and use the wall instead. Those certain people don’t always have clean hands.)
Take a magic eraser to those crayon marks in the corner. (Where was I when that happened? IS that even crayon??)
Clean out the pile of magazines two years high sitting beside the couch.
Do something about them two-story-high cobwebs. (Cathedral ceilings are pretty, but impractical.)
Do something MAJOR and INTENSE about the carpet. (Who puts white carpet in a rental house?)
Wage war on the grout.
So. I spent Saturday morning tackling most of that to-do list, knowing that by Friday I’d still have some light cleaning to do, but at least the BIG stuff would be dealt with already. You know, like the crayon marks.
But today… TODAY was The Day of the Carpet and Tile and Grout–the horrible invention. I started off the whole schebang by going to the gym. I figured it wise to work out my frustrations in advance. I don’t know if it helped. Necessarily. Then I came home, told the boys they’d be spending much quality time with Winnie the Pooh and Veggie Tales today, and proceeded to pull out The Beast, otherwise known as the Bissell ProHeat Deep Carpet Cleaner.
Let me just state now, for the masses ten of you who care that I have witnessed a modern day miracle.
There were spots on that white carpet that I’d worked on for the past two years we’ve lived here, and I was certain would be the cause of me single-handedly losing the safety deposit we put down on this rental. Can anyone say, hello, Mr. New Carpet Installer Man! And, goodbye, safety deposit!
But that Beast did it. It took them out like magic. MAGIC, I tell you. IT is the one who single-handedly saved that deposit.
Oh wait–it took out all the stains except for the turmeric stains that appeared last week, courtesy of a very small hand doing some very sneaky work. Turmeric, in case you aren’t familiar with the spice, is a relative of curry and, when in contact with fibers of any sort, basically becomes a dye. Which is all, of course, another story for another day. (And a story it is, too, because it combines with a couple other things that were all a little crazy, but as my friend told me the day one of the things happened, it’s called HAVING BOYS.)
But, unlike God, who actually DOES do miracles, my Beast’s hand is a bit slack when it comes to tile and grout. Apparently there’s some sort of attachment needed for that job, and I didn’t done got the thang.
This was where the battle truly began. On my knees. On the tile. With a bucket of Oxy solution and a scrub brush.
Let me tell you, people, the flooring in my house–both carpet and tile–hasn’t looked this good since the day before we moved in. It was a team effort, that Beast and me. We did it together, we did.
You want to know what my biggest payoff is here? What another friend told me when I mentioned this undertaking.
“You know nobody would have noticed if you hadn’t done any of it, right?”
Yes. Yes, I do, thankyouverymuch.
But I notice. It’s worth it to me to know my floors are sparkling and stain-free (almost–not counting the turmeric). I know how hard I worked for that level of CLEAN. I know.
On Friday, I’ll have my red, aching knees to happily remind me from beneath a skirt just long enough to cover them.
And now, I’m falling–yes FALLING–into bed. John rode his bike over 53 whole entire miles this morning, and I’ve tried all day to convince myself that one hour at the gym plus a day of hard labor house cleaning was about equal effort. So far that logic isn’t working. To make up for it, I told John to get me up at 5am when he’s up so I can be running by 5:30, but I have to say that right this very moment, my knees are complaining they don’t like the idea.
Build a bridge and get over it, sore knees, or else I’ll find someone else’s grout for you to scrub.
Sara says:
So the Beast is your new best friend, is he?
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June 17th, 2009 at 12:41 am
Becky K. says:
Congrats on the satisfaction of a job well done. It is a bit frustrating to know all you have put into a job only to have people not think twice about how clean it is…however…they might have noticed had you not…
I cannot imagine riding 53 miles before work…John must be very disciplined.
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June 17th, 2009 at 3:31 am
Mrs. Julie Fink says:
my friend just cleaned my white bedroom carpet with that same machine and the results were amazing! we were just about to pull it up and put laminate floors down (like we have in the rest of the house), but when i saw how beautiful it turned out, i encouraged my husband to wait! my daughter sabrina says that she needs to get one of those machines!
hope everything else is going well. i'm praying for you all. tell your mom i said hello.
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June 17th, 2009 at 4:11 am
izzy says:
Thank you for the post-it inspired me to get scrubbing and cleaning to get our flat sorted for the end of the lease! Hope your knees have recovered and the tiles are still sparkling!
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June 17th, 2009 at 6:02 am
LeAnna says:
White carpet in a rental house is begging for a disaster. Either that or it's an evil ploy to always get those deposits back. Hrmm…
A good clean house is so nice, though, and worth the chapped knees.
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June 17th, 2009 at 6:10 am
Leah says:
Did you know that blue windex is the best carpet cleaner EVER?!?!?! We live in Georgia where there is this lovely red clay and the builder told us to just spray windex on and scrub it out with a white towel. I'm telling you it works on everything from red gatorade (if you work quick) to coffee to grease to red clay. I also use windex in my carpet cleaner when I used it once :D. Next time the littles spill something try it. MIRACLE I'm telling ya!
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June 17th, 2009 at 6:22 am
Leah says:
Oh just to add, we have carpet in our formal dining room (dumb idea, not mine, it came that way, some day we'll change it) and that's the way I keep it clean. My carpet is light beige.
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June 17th, 2009 at 6:23 am
The Panhandler says:
I always get a feeling of euphoria after I've done a good cleaning of the house. Congrats to you and your hard work on the carpet!
_anna w. (I'm a regular reader, but this is the first time i've commented under my new blog)
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June 17th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Katie says:
Oh, you make me laugh. And I am now trying to avoid looking at my carpet (it's not a rental house, and we built the thing, so I can only blame myself for thinking that "Beige goes with everything!" – Yeah, except PEOPLE or KIDS or THE ELEMENTS or LIFE.
Maybe I'll get myself a beast and shape these floors up – because the first thing you should do before you have a spit-uppy newborn in the house is make sure your carpets are truly clean…
:)
I hope you had fun fun fun having the ladies over. And I'd love to ask you questions (in person!) and listen to you ramble sometime. BECAUSE OH MY can I do it too. :)
[Reply]
June 17th, 2009 at 7:22 am
Megan says:
The grout! The grout!!! I DESPISE it too!!! I waged war on my grout over 3 years ago when I was pregnant with Jake (& nesting). Then, again when I was pregnant with Austin and nesting, but that time I only did a few square feet worth and gave up. Well, I'm pregnant & nesting again, and I've been talking about the grout for about 3 weeks straight. Haven't gotten down on my hands & knees to actually DO it, mind you! Not sure if I ever will, but it crosses my mind EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT after the kids are in bed. I usually opt for an ice cream bar instead though. heehee
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June 17th, 2009 at 7:47 am
Miranda says:
I read somewhere (*hunts* here: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/turmeric-stain-removal.html) that dabbing turmeric or mustard stains with peroxide works… I've never tried it though so I can't vouch for it!
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June 17th, 2009 at 8:30 am
Laural Out Loud says:
So the rental machines really work? I hire a guy to come clean our tan carpets once a year, and they look great for a week. Then it's awful for the rest of the year. I might invest in a rental here and there if it really works!
Oh, and a 53 mile bike ride is NOTHING compared to hours on your hands and knees cleaning. NOTHING!
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June 17th, 2009 at 9:08 am
Nicole says:
LOLOLOL!
I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not. Only that you make me laugh, and I must thank you for that, because I need as much laughter in my life as I can possibly get. :)
No luck with the tumeric yet?? *Sigh* Yeah, white carpet pretty much stinks.
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June 17th, 2009 at 9:35 am
Kristy says:
I hear ya about light-colored carpets. Our very light ivory carpets + big, black Labrador dog = lots of vacuuming! Our "beast" happens to leak, so with company coming next month carpets will be professionally cleaned. But company or no company, I love clean!
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June 18th, 2009 at 6:57 am
Samantha R. says:
Whew, that's tough work!! I'm so glad that most everything came out though and saved you that safety deposit. I had been wondering how the whole turmeric thing was turning out…
White carpet is icky. and Grout is too.
I am SO thankful that we have neither!
Thank the Lord for BEASTS like those Bissels, right? =D
Yep, you're right… having BOYS sure makes life exciting. But worth it too ;) I have 4 brothers and I can attest to that.
Congrats on doing all that hard wok. I don't blame you if you don't want to get up early to go running. That would be tough!
And even if no-one notices your house is cleaner, you do and that's the satisfying part. Knowing it's all tidy and clean and might stay that way for a while… well, hopefully!
*hugs*
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June 18th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Anonymous says:
when I was 10 I cleaned the grout (on hands and knees with a tooth brush) in our friends kitchen while I was helping my sister babysit them. I guess I was so young it did not bother me:)
I am only 14 now but I love reading your blog! (though I have never commented) Keep up the good work!
Katherine H.
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June 21st, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Heather says:
I NEED one of those!!!
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June 22nd, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Steve n Vickie says:
:D we did carpets this week too. You wouldn't believe how many buckets of black water we poured down the drain. Doing carpets is a big job.
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June 25th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
kalipay says:
Ashleigh, I'm one of the perhaps few people who would notice how clean the house, yeah, even the grout was… So your effort was wasted, I am sure. :)
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June 26th, 2009 at 4:22 am
Courtney says:
No, no one will notice that you did do it, but you can bet that someone would have noticed if you didn't clean it. That's the irony of the whole cleaning thing.
Sigh
[Reply]
July 1st, 2009 at 12:01 pm