You know that part of Peter Pan where the Indians sing, “What makes the red man red?” (“Alli-alli-bomba! Alli-alli-bomba!”)
(Clearly, I have toddler boys. I’m not ashamed of my Disney lyrical knowledge.)
I believe I’ve found the answer.
Three hours (only three measly hours, people!) of un-sunscreened sand castle building will make for a red man. Or woman.
Woe is the mother who takes her children to the beach as usual, but this time, forgets her sunscreen, and is much too desirous of a wee bit of sun-kissing to wear the 60 SPF she puts on her children. No, she thinks to herself, it’s cloudy enough and we won’t be staying long today.
Again, woe upon her. The sun shows no mercy and is not content to gently kiss her oh-so-fair-shoulders and the tip of her little nose, but instead it will EAT HER ALIVE… and get a good laugh out of the whole thing when her toddler puts his 60 SPF-ed hands on her back, and then his arms around her shoulders, and she is thus proclaimed as “MOMMY!” to everyone who sees (and thinks they have to comment on) the burn. Because nothing shouts mommyhood quite like five tiny white finger prints on otherwise tomato red skin.
What baffles me is why the entire top half of my body could be needing salve and bandaging and yet the bottom half (the part that’s uncovered, at least) is still as pale as the puffy white clouds that fooled me into thinking I’d be okay without sunscreen. How exactly does THAT work, I ask you? I haven’t had tan legs since the summer I got married, and even that was just a tinge of color and might have had some help from Neutrogena. I’m thinking perhaps my legs were made with built-in SPF. Perhaps they should share with my shoulders.
And also? The part that makes me really upset is when I realized, whilst standing in the checkout line with aloe vera last evening, that we’re going to be in a prime nearby vacationing spot this weekend and nothing shouts “TOURIST!” like a really bad sunburn and white legs in a sundress. I’m thinking a sign around my neck that says “I LIVE here!!” might do the trick. It might also distract from All The Redness, dontcha think?
But, ANYway. We’ve been so busy with all the sand castle building and pool going and such that I’ve just about plumb forgot this here ol’ blog. Okay, not really. Not at all, actually. I glance at my lonely laptop about five times a day and cast a small wave at her and all the active online people she houses.
Really, though, how many times do you want me to tell you about the three year old who dives and rolls in the smallish waves, then runs from the big ones, screaming “Jasmine! Jasmine!” despite the fact that we neither know anyone named Jasmine, nor has he ever seen any movies with characters of that name. (Again, I have toddler BOYS. Not girls.)
Perhaps the waves are all named Jasmine? I dunno, but I’m telling you, the whole beach is probably wondering along with me. The child has some lungs on him, and they get even more effective when he’s overcome with excitement.
I’m sure the rest of the beach go-ers are also probably wondering if I need a lesson on the dangers of skin cancer. Or at least some gift certificates to the tanning salon for the benefit of the white legs. Just know that if you’re at the beach in San Diego and see a girl with a small white hand print on her left shoulder surrounded by skin that matches her red tankini top? You might want to ask if she forgot her sunscreen.
Please tell me I’m not the only person with an early summer burn. Or who has white kid prints. Or maybe you should just tell me the name of your favorite self-tanner.
Jen says:
You. Are. SO. FUNNY.
Love the hand print. Photos please?
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June 25th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
LeAnna says:
Oh my word, you crack me up. I'm sorry about the burn. Vinegar takes the heat out, if you don't mind smelling like a pickle 'till it dries…
Michael J. could have given you some tips on the white handprint, but…well, you know… ;)
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June 25th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Katie says:
Something that I found worked the last time I had a bad sunburn was Vitamin E oil with Aloe Vera. I just took some of the oil and added a few drops of pure aloe vera, then smeared it on. It's pretty gooey, but I was better about twice as fast as usual.
Oh, and my legs (and to some extent, my face also) refuse to tan also. So glad I'm not the only one!!
P.S. I love reading your posts! I came over here from the YLCF a while back. Your blog has encouraged me a lot!
[Reply]
June 25th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Anonymous says:
I can so feel the burn with you! Last day in Florida I finally made it to the pool. Knew I was buring but refused to leave the water. I'm paying for it. Never made it to the beach and still burned.
The hand print thou is priceless. I agree, pictures please. If not for us one or two for your scrapbooking and your Mom.
Could you private e-mail me your snail mail address please?
Robin
bloggingbird64
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June 25th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Amanda (Davis) Wells says:
LOL! Well, sorts, since I'm in bed and the only one awake, playing with the Ipod Touch. Silly to be awake, but I read this and had to say that my girls' SPF 50 feet left me with similarly ridiculous blotchy tomato-red legs last week. Yeah, I guess it does scream "mommy", doesn't it? But then, when have either of us ever been afraid to admit that? ;-) I'm sorry bout the pain, though…… I'm crispy right along with ya.
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June 26th, 2009 at 12:05 am
Danielle says:
Oh my gosh, I JUST said yesterday to some friends that I really don't understand why only my upper half gets tanned/burnt to a crisp, yet my legs still stay glow-in-the-dark pasty white. One of life's greatest mysteries I suppose!
I did try the neutrogena, and oh boy was I ever orange. The only thing that works is the tanning bed, which I'm trying to avoid because of the whole cancer thing.
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June 26th, 2009 at 6:36 am
Chantel says:
I got lobster legs and a tomato face earlier this year. For the Very First Time in my life. Never burned before, but goodness, that hurt.
I took solace in the fact that, hey, at least sunshine doesn't turn you green or…blue or something. I'd rather look red. ;)
Hope yours heals up quickly. :)
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June 26th, 2009 at 6:55 am
Alexandra says:
I am roasting myself here…first time in this pool this summer and out too long! And I know…my legs and face are refusing to tan…I just get one little stripe down my calves. ;-) I'm red with you! Hilarious post!
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June 26th, 2009 at 9:04 am
Megan says:
Oh no! I forget my own sunscreen all the time too! By the time I lather up the two boys, put their shoes back on, hats on, gather supplies… it's the last thing on my mind!
P.S. I wanted to let you know that my plans this week have changed– I know I told you that Thursday I'm free, but it turns out that it's the only day where I could coordinate my mom & my mother-in-law's help in getting the house ready for baby… so I *had* to take it!!! My MIL is taking the boys for the day, and my mom is coming up from SD to help me go through boxes of baby clothes, wash, fold, hang, make room, etc. I can't wait!!! But unfortunately, I won't be able to do any park/play date that day! I don't think I have anything going Fri, or the following Tues-Fri. I'll double check though!
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June 26th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
April says:
Just so you feel less silly…heh…I got me a nice second-degree sunburn the second week of May. I was just trying to get a touch of a tan before, uh, something really silly that would make me sound boy-crazy (which you KNOW I am not!) if I said what it was, but I discovered that 15 minutes in mile-high sun is enough to roast winter-white legs.
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June 26th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Samantha R. says:
*ouch*
I am more olive-skinned so I don't burn too easily but I've still gotten some killer burns on my legs before. I guess I'm just the opposite; I tan on my arms,feet, and back fairly easy but my legs and nose like to burn…
I hope your burn heals quickly.
And like Chantel said, at least we don't burn green or blue! =P
LOL about the Jasmine thing ;)
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June 26th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
delightinginhim says:
I hope that lobster look will soon dissipate. It is indeed amazing how quickly a sunburn can happen. LOL about the Jasmine waves, too funny.
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June 27th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Steve n Vickie says:
:D You're hilarious. Something about the way you tell a story leaves me rolling in laughter. I went to waterworld one time without sunscreen WOW. Big mistake. Hope your burn goes away quickly :D
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June 28th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Nicole says:
Hey you!! I'm online once more!! You'll be happy to hear I burned my face yesterday showing my mom and Harry around the Island. ;) Yep, even up here, ya still need lotion… darn. I keep hoping my body will grow sunscreen pores. Oh well!
I miss you already. :( Gonna call you soon.
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June 29th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Katie says:
So funny. And I do relate, although not right at this moment… I've given MYSELF fingerprints before (MORE embarrassing than mommy-prints) and girl, THREE HOURS would have killed me. I got sunburned the a few weeks ago… out for 30 MINUTES at 6:30 in the evening.
Pasty girls, unite!
:)
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June 30th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Ginger says:
Oh, I usually always get a burn however I don't have one yet! However I don't think I have ever had a little hand print burn! LOL I don't know it just sounds so cute!! lol
I hope your burn is feeling better!!
Ginger~
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June 30th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Mariah says:
When I get looks for putting on sunscreen (as a California girl) I just say, "I don't tan; I tomato." That seems to work.
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July 1st, 2009 at 11:44 am