Well, here we are–the end of the line.

The end of the Losing It (Not Just Our Sanity) competition.

By the end of this weekend, the participant who lost the most weight over the past ten weeks will win a gift card to Dick’s Sporting Goods, a 6-month subscription to the healthy menu planning service, The Six O’Clock Scramble and a Weight Watchers pedometer.

I can tell you this about the winner already:

It won’t be me!

I stepped on the scale this morning after a few weeks of not weighing myself and discovered I’ve lost a grand total of

(wait for it)

two pounds.

woot. woot.

(or not)

But, surprising even to me, I didn’t really care.

Because, let me tell you, people–these last ten weeks have been life changing for me. I’ve learned more about myself, about true health, about life than I ever expected I would on that day when Jessie, Mary and I decided, on a whim, to start up a weight loss competition.

I learned that my ten year long starve-binge-starve practices had compromised my metabolism even more than I thought and that it needed the proper nutrients and enough food at regular intervals to work correctly. And I learned that it can work correctly.

I discovered that living intentionally affects not only my health and weight, but every aspect of my life. And I discovered that my health and my weight are not always the same issue.

I made significant changes to my family’s diet, with more still evolving. And I was shocked to notice the difference in how I feel when I eat healthily on a regular, normal basis.

I found (and this is a biggie) that I didn’t have to talk and joke about my weight to make the monster retreat or seem less formidable. And in realizing this fact and acting upon it, I broke a years-long detrimental habit.

It took ten weeks to get to this place.

A healthy place.

A place of wholeness.

But at the end of it, though I didn’t see the drastic drop in weight I’d originally hoped for, I saw something else entirely.

When I stepped on that scale this morning, I didn’t care what the numbers read.

I didn’t care.

Because above all else, over these past ten weeks, I realized The Number doesn’t define me anymore. Not to myself, not to other people.

I’m not scared of The Number any more.

And I’d rather have that than any amount of weight loss.

Thanks for a great ten weeks, ladies! Thanks to those of you who participated and those who encouraged me on this journey. I appreciate you!

But guess what? It’s not over! Kathy from House of Hills has offered to take over Losing It as a weekly carnival, so if you’re so inclined, feel free to continue (or start up!) next Friday with Kathy!

And don’t forget to check in with Mary to find out who won the contest–some of these ladies have blown me away with their dedication and motivation!

The theme around here this weekend has been

peace.

(photo taken by my four year old budding photographer)

Peace of mind.

Peace in actions.

Peace through words.

Some moments have been more peaceful than others.

Which is okay.

Because it’s real.

And we’re all about authenticity.

We’re resting in peace.

Knowing our God is bigger than the boogie man.

You will keep him in perfect peace,

Whose mind is stayed on You,

Because he trusts in You.

Isaiah 26:3

Thank you for your prayers.

Briefly…

I won’t be posting a Losing It update this week. We’re dealing with a bit of an issue here (not directly deployment related, though it would be remedied if my beloved was home) and it’s best I’m quiet online for a few days. I’d appreciate your prayers for our protection while I try to trust in the God who is always bigger…

Thanks for understanding!

Simple.

A sink of sudsy dishes.

Some plates, a few bowls, a pie plate, jars, a wooden spoon and a rolling pin.

But from the soapy water,

they speak.

Of the spicy-sweet scent of cinnamon rolls baking early in the morning.

Of two little boys helping roll out sticky dough.

…and using tiny fingers to sneak bits of the sugary filling.

Of fresh eggs, fried and set gently on creamy white plates.

Of leisurely conversation over warm coffee.

Of little boys running in and out from the yard to the house, soaking up the morning sun.

Of calling all to the table filled with tasty goodness, a pitcher of juice and a jar of fresh milk.

Of “Help me cut my eggs, Grandpa?” and “More cimamum rowe, pease?“

A sink full of dirty dishes.

Remnants of a beginning of the week brunch with beloved father- and mother-in-love and my brother.

Washed slowly at noon, a swirling yellow dishcloth.

A smile, remembering.

Where are you finding beauty today?

Share in the unexpected treasures with my sweet friend Emily today.

…otherwise titled:

“Further Proof Ashleigh Is A Procrastinating Loser”

I think I took the whole “Tossing the Plan” thing a little far this week.

Today, I did nothing.

Okay, not nothing. I did make pancakes this morning.

But I made them with yogurt, agave, and whole wheat, and every single pancake turned black.

Breakfast FAIL.

I put a load of laundry in the washer.

But I promptly forgot about it and the clothes never ended up in the dryer.

Laundry FAIL.

Then I sat myself on the couch, picked up my knitting and watched TV movies with my brother (visiting for a few days) all day long. I did make some major progress on my knitting project.

Fail or Win?

Now? I’m writing what was supposed to be yesterday’s Losing It post.

Losing It FAIL.

Except, I can’t exactly say the whole week has been a Losing It failure. I’m actually thinking it’s been one of my best weeks, although I’m still not weighing myself.

I’ve been eating three (mostly) healthy meals (mostly) every day. Thanks to my new-to-me treadmill and the few days of fresh spring weather we’ve had this week, I’ve exercised (mostly) every day. I’m now in the habit of drinking bucket loads of water.

But the thing that thrills me to my fingertips is that one day this week when I was feeling particularly blah (read: antisocial, sarcastic and generally fed up with the world) I said something on the phone to my mom about my weight, being fat, etc. etc. etc.

And her response? “Wow, I haven’t heard you talk about yourself like that in a really long time.”

Bada-ching!

Then, the next day, my brother was here when I was uploading the pictures for a post. Before I thought about my words (in typical fashion) I told him, “Hey, I don’t look all that big in this picture.”

He just about fell off the couch.

Apparently, talking about how much I, well, talk about it has flipped a switch in my brain.

And, for me, if this is the only positive result of my participation in the Losing It challenge, it’s been a success.

That, my friends, is not a fail.

The Losing It Challenge is a 10-week weight loss competition hosted by Mary at Giving Up On Perfect, Jessie at Vanderbilt Wife and yours truly. For the full scoop on this and the rest of my weight loss journey, go here.